Misguided

When I watch TV or movie characters move for rebirth or escape I know that the show is telling me through the character that it's a thing that hopeless people do because they think that they will be the person they were when they were there before, or the person that they picture living there, or I guess most accurately, the person that they've always pictured themselves being. And that person, of course, only exists in the place that they will move to.

In baseball the way that ability or contribution is measured is changing. There was a movie about it, but a small example is a player’s batting average. Batting average is how often a batter converts his plate appearances into a hit. If he converts three out of ten appearances into a hit he is considered to be statistically proven as an above average hitter. What we know now is that this number can sometimes be deceptive. If in the first few weeks of a season a batter averages four converted hits out of ten chances, but an above average number of the balls that he puts in play are falling for hits, it is likely that the average of 400 will regress. It's even more complicated but what the numbers tell us is what we believe: over time the true ability and talent of a player will not in any way fall prey to luck. Each man will be exactly who he is as a batter.

I lived in Florida until I was allowed to choose where I lived. Since I've been able to choose again, after finishing school and all, I've lived in Virginia, Europe and Colorado in less than two years. I will likely leave Denver in the Spring and that is likely because I've not committed to living here because I tell people that I've been here (Denver) for three months despite having been here for six and that is likely because I moved here and realized a thing that I had already learned from TV and movie characters and that is that I think that more should be different than is different. I project this conviction upon the people I meet and I imagine that they too wonder why more has not been produced or accomplished or changed and I am embarrassed. Temporary solace is found in articles and people's story's that align with mine but ultimately we all probably just got hugged and praised too much for our Participant Ribbons.

My writing usually seems beleaguered but I'm not. It's actually hope, or a belief as deep as my character which knows that “it” will happen. The difficult aspect of the sort of life that I feel that I am living, a life similar to many who are my age, is not that our batting averages are lower than an average which would make us proud, but that we, despite outs and misses, in our deep insides, believe that the swings will eventually produce not only hits, but enough to compensate for all of our previous misses and result in an ultimately respectable batting average. A few of us may be right but a lot of us are delusional.

Maybe it is this hope that haunts us which leads to all great things that people do. Even though so many are told by their stats that they do not successfully turn three out of ten plate appearances into hits, literally everyone walking around continues to swing. And we know this because they are still walking around. Maybe swinging is the human compact. The agreement that we will all continue believing in ourselves despite the evidence because it is that everyone else continues to try that encourages you to try, and me, and as a result of everyone trying some people set records. Some people go to the moon, or manage fidelity, or listen with their eyes. Maybe moving around because we’re trying to be who we’re not is merely an observable signature of the most beautiful part of humanity. Maybe the conviction that we are better than we are is the misguided belief propelling we people towards the community that we cannot believe that we cannot have. 

Anyway, this is my happy thought and my happy story. Be buoyant colleagues.